a serious note...

Many of you know that I am very rarely serious on this blog. I'm usually sharing something funny that has happened around here. Well, it's time for me to be serious for a bit....



I "borrowed" this picture from the Caringbridge page my mom has set up for my step-dad.
Most of you know that is my mom and Wayne in the picture.

They have been married for 16yrs now (although I say only 4 because they married on leap day :) ) And actually Wayne has been a part of our lives for 20 years.

I have always had a hard time dealing with the fact that he needed to be a part of our lives because I had a dad and I didn't need a new one. Funny thing is...Wayne never tried to take over that dad spot, I was just being a pain in the arse. All he wanted to do was be our friend but for us to understand that we did live in his house and we would need to follow the rules of that house. I bet you can guess how well that went over with me! Yea, it was an interesting 4 years until I graduated and was outta there. I'm not sure how Wayne even survived that time.... I did all I could to make his and my mom's life hell.

Even with all this, Wayne continued to try to show me kindness and love. When mine and my sister's bikes were stolen out of the front yard and then recovered days later at the police station, I was in tears because my bike had been trashed and was now unridable. Wayne bought me a new bike. I don't know that I ever thanked him for that. It touched me beyond words.
When I started driving and got a car he would do the check-ups on it and let me park in the old garage. He and mom parked their cars in the driveway spot and plugged them in. I don't know that I ever thanked him for that either.
One day I decided to scrub the kitchen floor. I had worked hard, scrubbed it on my hands and knees. His son then proceeded to walk on it and I was mad. Wayne wasn't upset with me though...he said he would have been mad too if he had worked as hard as I did on that.

Even when I had my first child...Wayne never tried to take on the Grampa roll. He was happy to be that if we were ok with it but he didn't push it. He would love the baby no matter what. He even went out and bought Ryan his first sleepers, blanket and teddy bear. I believe I cried...
My children proudly call him "Grampa" and he proudly wears that badge. I would never take it from him. Although, my kids have my dad as their Grandpa no one could fill the shoes that Wayne has been to them. His not being there would leave an enormous void in each of them.

Now Wayne is battling Acute Myloid Leukemia and quite possibly will succumb to it. Not without a fight though and not without leaving a mark on each of us.

I have never sat back and appreciated all that he has done for me or what he has meant to me in my life. I now find myself in that place....thinking back on the years and wishing I could take so much of it back. He always wanted the best for us. Not in material things but just in life in general. He has enormous amounts of patience...something that drove me crazy! But something that I can now appreciate.

This man loved me when I thought I couldn't be loved, supported me when I didn't deserve it, and helped me when most wouldn't. Now all I wish I could do is help him beat this cancer. But I know that it's all in God's hands. Only He knows the timing and the outcome.

I just want everyone to know that I'm not sure where I would be without Wayne in my life. Even though I bucked so many times he was always there if I needed him. He has been there for my kids also.
Ryan will never forget the month he spent with Gramma & Grampa last year. He played lots of pool with Grampa and would put in his lunch orders that Grampa would cook for him. Grampa shared Red Skelton with Ryan...for that I'm sure Ryan is forever greatful :) Everytime Ryan watchs a DVD of it and laughs a true belly laugh, I think of Wayne. I'm so glad he shared this good, clean humor with Ryan.

Jessica spent two months with Gramma & Grampa this summer. I know she loved the fishing, trip to Maine, and so many other things she got to share with them. It will forever be etched in her memory. She loves to talk about the shows she and Grampa watched on TV. They had a "schedule" of what they watched & when. I laugh :)

I would so love for Autumn & Patrick to get this time with Grampa. They have their wonderful memories too.
I want nothing more than to be able to take them all to Wisconsin to spend time with Grampa before things get worse. I want to be able to tell Wayne what an impact he has had on my life and how much I love him.
It's now that I HATE living so far away. The distance is too much.