needs...

I am having a hard time with my step-dad's illness. I think this cancer sucks and I don't understand why it has to take the good people in life instead of the deadbeats. Why does he have to suffer? Why does my mom have to lose the man she loves before they grow old together? Why do all these grandkids have to give up their grandpa before they really get time with him? So many whys....

My mom called to wish Patrick a Happy Birthday and I talked to her a bit about how Wayne is doing. I also told her that I think I am going to quit reading the updates because it is too hard.....I know I won't though.

I also asked her if she could hold the phone to Wayne's ear so I could tell him something. She said sure and that he was not real cohearant but would hear me.
I told him that I love him and thank you for being a part of my life. I also told him that he had my permission to go on if he needed to be with his dad and brother. If God is calling, then go ahead and go. It was very emotional....
The part that will remain with me forever is when he said, "I love you Tina.".
I don't know that I have ever heard him say that to me before. I needed to hear it so badly! I needed to know that all the hell I put him through and all the stress I created in his life did not cause him to never love me. I needed to know that through all that, that he really did love me.
Regardless of what everyone may have thought, Wayne really was an important person in my life! I knew he would always be there no matter what.

I am glad I got the opportunity to tell him what I did.
I had talked to my friend, Bridget, last night and told her how he was doing and that Mom, Bev, & Wayne Jr had given him their permission to go on to the Lord. Bridget felt that I needed to give him my permission also, that maybe he was waiting for that. I thank her for sharing that with me. I might never have done that otherwise and I may have regretted it later.

I love you Wayne!!